Will I regret that I wrote this post? I am not sure. Actually, I am not sure about everything, about what is happening and what will happen.
One moth ago my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that is like an uninviting guest first stood by our door for a very long time, then silently and cautiously opened it and sneaked inside and settled in the far corner and started to wait to announce itself properly.
I knew for a long time that something was wrong but I did the big escape into bird photography, made silly excuses about my husband's odd behavior, I acted out, saying something I wish I would never say and feared to face reality.
I protested and complained and was going to hold a grudge for a thousand years but in the midst of all bitterness and resentment - why it's happening to us - I eventually cut the expectations and faced reality and that was the only "gift " I could give to myself.
I wrote the word gift and thought about its meaning. I had a friend who was dying of AIDS. Before I was leaving Lithuania we were talking and my friend said, " I didn't want this, and I hated this and was terrified of this. But it turned out that this illness has been my greatest gift. Now every moment is so precious to me, all people in my life are so precious to me. My whole life means so much to me..."
I will end here. In one hour I am taking my husband's old Toyota Camry for emission test. Life continues...
