Friday, September 23, 2022

Notes to Self. Loneliness and Grief


One month ago my life has changed forever.

It was the warm Friday evening when I called to ambulance, my husband became very sick.  

Then was a stay in the emergency room overnight where cardiologists tried to stabilize my husband's heart and five days in the hospital, conversations with cardiologists and optimistic prognosis.

And then a conversation with a hospital chaplain and a social worker and terrifying killing words, Your husband is dying... 

I remember asking myself how the world could continue spinning after such words.  I wanted to scream at the cars and people outside, I wanted to yell at the whole world.

As the hours turned to days and days to weeks, my sadness, grief, loneliness became more intense and more painful. I "died" that day when I heard a verdict from a hospital chaplain.

Life goes on.