Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Notes to Self - VII. Common Sense

My father always could find logic in everything.  He made logical decisions, I often acted on instinct and then created an infrastructure of reasons to justify my actions and called it common sense.

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By the way, I am still often listening to Bach. But Tchaikovsky has gone. He was gone the way of those geniuses who fascinate in youth but later in life they are a little bit embarrassing, somehow less relevant.

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The less time there remains in your life, the less you want to waste it. That is logical, isn't? I waste my time. Often. I do a lot of sketches, watch contemporary shows on Amazon and Netflix, spend time on Internet...  In other words, I act like I was given two lives. Absurdity.

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Sometimes I compare my life to my friend's life. Some people say that he took his own life. A strange phrase, isn't? But what actually happened my friend took charge of his own life. He took it in his hands and then out of them. I just let life happened to me.

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The self-taught mystical artist Matthew Wong. He died this year of suicide. He was only thirty five years old.


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I try not to explain why I am doing some things and refuse to do others. Friends don't need it and others will always have doubts. Life never gives you explanations, it just gives you moments that sometimes are utterly and inexplicably odd. 





25 comments:

  1. My first thought about the painting was too much blue, even for me, but after looking at it for a while the varying shades began to blend into a more appealing form for me. I guess I like it, but not enough to rave about it.

    Your words / thoughts are more engaging than the painting, Kaya. Your "confessions" make you more alluring and interesting as a person, I think.

    Like you, I waste time "like I was given two lives." Against all logic, I have not ruled out the possibility that I do have two .... or more.

    I have known a few individuals who have "offed themselves," to put it in the vernacular .... all of them men .... most of them because of lost or unrequited love .... at least one of them clinically depressed and a close friend.

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    1. Fram, thank you very much for your comment!!!
      It was very interesting to read how you felt about painting. Wong's life touched me so much. He was autistic, had Tourette’s syndrome. He had so many struggles and was so passionate about art.
      Anyway, thank you again for coming and making me feel better, Fram!

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  2. Life, always a miracle in every man.

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    1. Catalin, thank you! That is absolutely true what you said about life!

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  3. En ocasiones nuestra vida transita por caminos fríos y tristes en la noche pero siempre es importante considerar que, al final de la última curva, se abre la mañana con un claro y brillante amanecer. Sentarse en la oscuridad a la vera del camino no es una opción porque la vida no nos pertenece; la vida sólo pertenece a la vida.
    Un abrazo,

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    1. Miguel, there is a saying that I like very much. " This too shall pass...." When I read your comment I thought about this saying. Yes, I agree with you that life belongs only to life! I will try to remember this.
      Miguel, thank you!

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  4. Your thoughts - ...thank you for sharing them. I resonate to some of them. My brother took his own life. He always said "I won't live to see 40". He said this when he was in his 20's. He said it in his 30's. He demonstrated it on 1/29/98. He was born on 12/5/58. We don't know why to this day. We thought he was happy. Love your "blue" painting. It draws me in down the path. If I keep going on the path I get beyond the trees and out in the field where as as Rumi said
    "Out beyond our ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there....." And for me I will find out that no time was ever wasted - every moment, every second, we can choose to Be or not to BE - but Being - we will always BE. Sometimes we just do it more awake.

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    1. Dear Sandy, I am terribly sorry about your brother. I try to find right words and I can't. I know that you will understand.
      May I say only this that some people were not meant to be in this world. It was too much for them. That is what I think about my friend when I remember him.
      Thank you very much for your comment! Thank for sharing your story. I am deeply touched by it and remember it for the rest of my life.

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    2. thanks Kaya , so much, your comment means a lot. I don't really talk about it that much anymore. I understand that there are things each one of us holds in our minds we will never talk about to another. He had his own reasons. I love your writing as much as your art.

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    3. Sandy, I thought yesterday about what you wrote and how vulnerable and brave you were. You know how I love to talk to you! I missed your absence from blogs very much and so glad that you are back from Big River.

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  5. La pintura me resulta algo triste. Es muy difícil conseguir entra en los penamientos de alguien Kaya, si no quieren no se abren a nadie, se encierran en sí mismos. Compartir sentimientos es bueno.
    Un abrazo.

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    1. Laura, thank you! You are so right that sometimes it's better to share how you feel than to go into your own exile and stay there.

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  6. No se sabe lo que le pasó por la cabeza, para tomar tan trágica decisión.

    Besos

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    1. Yes, that is true, Antonia! We will never know how he felt and what he thought.
      Thank you!

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  7. many people, including me, consider "sketch" or painting is talented and even gift from heaven.....you are lucky.

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  8. Kaya, un post con mucha tristeza que sin duda se refleja en la pintura que nos muestras, texto y cuadro se complementas. Nunca sabremos lo que se cruza por la mente de las personas. Siento lo sucedido al pintor.

    Saludos.

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    1. Jesus, thank you very much! That is true that we will never know what is going on in someone's head.

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  9. Lastima!
    Un abrazo y buen fin de semana, Kaya.

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  10. I believe we are spirits, living a human life. Life is hard, this I know. I remember you Kaya, I remember your extraordinary photography, do you still have those blogs?

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  11. I remember you also!!! Sometimes I thought about you and wondered how you are doing.
    I remember your wonderful photography and very interesting post titles, they were so special, so witty.
    I don't have anymore those blogs.
    Thank you very much for your comment, Lorraine. I hope that I didn't misspelled your name. If I did, please forgive me.
    Best wishes to you!

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  12. You could spell it anyway you want...but you got it right! Best Wishes always !

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